torrent
by fiction fetishist
Summary: Training camp is hardly used for actual training anymore, really. / "Shin-chan just makes it so easy to mess with him, you know?" — drabble dump


notes: the second one isn't technically a drabble anymore, but, semantics ┐(´～`；)┌

—

**Training camp is hardly used for actual training anymore, really. — Takao/Midorima**

"Hey, hey, Shin-chan," Takao prods, a literal thorn in Midorima's side even in the dead of the night. "Have you ever thought about being an eye model?"

"_What_ in the world are you talking about," Midorima says, the sleep deprivation doing nothing for his willingness to tolerate much of anything Takao says. "Go back to sleep, Takao."

"No, no, really," Takao insists, somehow even more persistently annoying than usual. "You have really nice lashes and everything."

"Takao," Midorima warns. "If you don't stop talking this instant, I _will_ shoot a ball into your face during practice tomorrow."

"That's _mean_, Shin-cha—argh what the _hell_?!" Takao yells, yanking a pillow from his face.

"Stop your flirting before I use a pineapple next time," Miyaji announces. "_Some_ of us are trying to sleep here."

"But we weren't flirting," Takao denies heatedly, his attempt to return the favor ruined when his own pillow completely misses Miyaji's face and accidentally smothers Ootsubo in the process.

"You _dumbass_," Miyaji says.

"…Oops?" Takao tries.

.

No one blamed Midorima for shooting all the balls into Takao's face instead of the basket during practice the next day.

—

**"Shin-chan just makes it so easy to mess with him, you know?" — Takao/Midorima**

"Takao," Midorima says, tapping his shiny leather shoes against the tile of his office. "This is a gross and unacceptable misuse of my line to the emergency room. There are actual patients I could be helping right now."

"I'm hurt, Shin-chan," Takao says, falling dramatically onto the bed, hand clenching at his heart. "My heartbreak is totally legit, I'll have you know. I could totally die, like, any second now."

"If it would allow me to resume my work instead of continuing this asinine conversation with you," Midorima sighs, moving to Takao's side to glare at him properly, "then please, feel free."

"You're too cruel, Shin-chan," Takao accuses, faking a sob into the pillow. "What kind of doctor are you."

"One that doesn't appreciate certain people faking cardiac arrest in order to waste my time on trivial matters," Midorima replies, flicking his fingers at Takao's forehead.

"But I really _did_ have a heart attack, though," Takao insists, rubbing at where Midorima had hit him. "I missed you _so_ much my heart couldn't take it."

"We last saw each other at breakfast," Midorima says, his usual frown deepening even further. "That was less than three hours ago."

"Exactly!" Takao exclaims, hopping off the bed and gesturing wildly. "Three whole hours without my Shin-chan. Can't you understand the torture I must have felt?"

"No," Midorima says, his patented 'Stop This Nonsense Right Now, Takao' voice speaking volumes of his disdain. Takao's face crumples.

"Fine," Takao gives, raising his palms in defeat. "I'm sorry for disturbing you at work. I just really wanted to see you, okay?"

"We see each other every day, Takao," Midorima sighs, pushing up his glasses. "We live together, for god's sake."

"But you're always so busy lately," Takao whines, seeking comfort in the hospital's less-than-stellar mattress. "What if you're cheating on me with all your cute nurses?"

"The fact that you consider them attractive should be more reason for me to suspect _you_ of cheating, not the other way around," Midorima counters.

"That's not fair, Shin-chan," Takao sulks, sinking deeper to soothe his aching heart. "You can't be a doctor _and_ a lawyer. That's like, two major fetishes at once!"

"…How do I even know you," Midorima despairs.

"Because you let a horoscope dictate your life," Takao replies.

"Get out," Midorima says, holding the door open.

"No, wait. Waitwaitwaitwait," Takao says, waving his hands around. "I just remembered. I have something totally important I need to tell you."

Midorima makes a desperate noise, then, the one he usually reserves for when Takao pushes his limits, makes him honestly question the choices he's made in his life. "You only get _five_ seconds," Midorima exhales, looking as if he's lost again, somehow.

Takao smiles. "I love you," he says, enjoying the feel of Midorima's coat between his fingers, pulling him down for a quick peck on the lips.

"I-I love you, too," Midorima coughs, afterward, trying to remain unaffected despite the redness of his cheeks. Takao kind of hates how easy Midorima makes it for him, like this, to make him love him even more.

"I think I might be pregnant, by the way," Takao blurts out, in between deciding whether to straighten Midorima's tie, or just do away with it altogether.

"_What_," Midorima says, mortified.

"Nothing," Takao says, loosening the knot with his fingers.

Midorima slams the door in his face.

So worth it, Takao thinks, burning the look on Shin-chan's face into his mind forever.

.

**(omake)**

"So, how'd I do?" Takao asks, leaning on the counter.

"37 minutes," the nurse replies, glancing at the clock. "Not as good as last week, I'm afraid."

"Damn," Takao says. "I knew I shouldn't have said that last part."

The nurse nods at him in sympathy. "Things were going so well, too."

"Shin-chan just makes it so easy to mess with him, you know?" Takao says. "There was just no way I could resist."

"There's always next time," the nurse assures him.

"I guess," Takao says, not entirely convinced. It's gonna be hard to top that one time he actually got Shin-chan to spend two whole hours with him.

"Don't lose heart, Takao-san," the nurse says. "Bad days all happen to the best of us."

"Yeah," Takao sighs, looking to his feet. "You'll email me the video like always, though, right?"

"Of course, Takao-san," the nurse replies.

Shin-chan has the best coworkers.

.

**(omake) [2]**

"…and that concludes this week's episode of 'Shin-chan's Daily Life'," Takao types, hitting the post button.

'LOL,' Miyaji comments, almost immediately, the first as usual. Takao doubts he even actually reads the posts anymore, and comments solely because somewhere out there, Midorima is suffering, and that's good enough for him. Not that Takao particularly minds this—traffic is traffic, after all—but hey, it takes a lot of effort to run this blog, you know. The least people could do is try.

'Takao-kun,' Kuroko comments, a while later, 'you certainly go to interesting lengths for Midorima-kun, don't you? Might I suggest something for next week's installment?'

'Of course!' Takao replies. 'Nothing but the best for my Shin-chan! (*´∀ `*)' It's about time he met up with Tecchan again anyway. His idea well for the rest of Shin-chan's fabulous adventures is dangerously close to running dry.

'omg lmao help me i'm crying,' Kise comments, next, a stream of unknown people suddenly spamming in reply. Takao sighs. Kise's comments are always fun, but his legion of fangirls totally take all the attention away from his Shin-chan. Time to update the spam filter again, he supposes, going through the thread. Maybe he should get Kise to start posting under a pseudonym or something?

'umm,' Takao sees Kagami comment.

'Kagami! ( ・ ∀ ・ )' Takao types excitedly. 'So glad you dropped by! I thought you hated Shin-chan LOL'

'i do,' Kagami replies. Takao doesn't get it.

'Kise keeps sending me a link to this site,' Kasamatsu comments. 'What am I supposed to be looking at exactly?'

"Kasamatsu-san?!" Takao says out loud.

'you too?' Kagami replies. 'i thought i was the only one'

'Kise-kun sends them to everyone in his address book, I think,' Kuroko explains. 'I also receive them despite already visiting the site regularly on my own.'

'who cares who sends them though right?' Kise comments. 'isn't this site hilarious? ( ´∀ ` )'

'Stop emailing me, Kise,' Kasamatsu replies.

'^ this,' Kagami adds.

'…' comes the next comment. 'What is the meaning of all this, Takao.'

"Well, fuck."


End file.
